Hey there! It's been a while. Back when I posted my goals for 2015, one of them was to blog more. I really felt like God had things he wanted me to say. So, I did. I blogged about random thoughts the Lord laid on my heart. I also blogged about family things, like Selah's monthly updates and stuff about Ezra. And then I thought people probably weren't interested in that. And I got busy. And I put blogging on the back burner.
Yesterday morning I started thinking that maybe I have more to say, that maybe I should start blogging again. I didn't know what I'd write about and had no specific posts in mind, but with a lot going on in my life right now, I wanted to share with whoever might stumble across my posts. And then, a friend on Instagram randomly asked me yesterday if I was still blogging and said she loved reading my posts and that God definitely speaks through me. I took that as confirmation to continue doing what I had slacked off on but what I felt God tell me to do nine months ago. So here I am! I have so much I'd like to say, so thanks for sticking with me!
It started in August. Marcus and I were serving in youth group and we were watching a video session on teens who had made a big difference in the world. As I watched a young child start a charity based on basketball that helped kids in other countries, the Lord spoke to me. As you may or may not know, I make chalk art on the side. As I sat in youth group surrounded by teenagers that Wednesday night, I felt God telling me to donate all the profits I made from my chalk art. I didn't immediately know what this meant, but the next day as I talked to my husband, God revealed to us a specific organization that He wanted me to donate to. I was a little hesitant at first, thinking, "that extra money has been really nice these past few months!" but I trusted God and made the plunge. I announced on my Chalk by Chalyse page that all profits I received from making and selling chalk art would go to Feed One, which helps hungry kids in other countries. Marcus and I also learned about a 5k walk/run opportunity that would benefit this charity and we were ready to raise money for that, but the event was unfortunately canceled. To date, the donations to Feed One has fed 18 children for a whole month! I think that's incredible. Thanks to all who have ordered!
The next week in youth group, we watched a video in the same series. I was in youth group to help support the teenagers, but these videos were speaking to me! This video was about a young couple who decided to sell everything and move to Haiti to be teachers at a school and act as missionaries. It was so amazing to see them trust God, and how God blessed them in return and used them to spread His love. After the movie, Marcus and I looked at each other and he said (only half-joking), "So where are we moving to?" We wanted to be used by God that way! We were excited at the thought of being on the missions field, helping the poor, feeding the hungry, and sharing the love of Christ. We kept talking about all the possibilities God had for us.
The next week in youth group, we watched a video in the same series. I was in youth group to help support the teenagers, but these videos were speaking to me! This video was about a young couple who decided to sell everything and move to Haiti to be teachers at a school and act as missionaries. It was so amazing to see them trust God, and how God blessed them in return and used them to spread His love. After the movie, Marcus and I looked at each other and he said (only half-joking), "So where are we moving to?" We wanted to be used by God that way! We were excited at the thought of being on the missions field, helping the poor, feeding the hungry, and sharing the love of Christ. We kept talking about all the possibilities God had for us.
On September 2, I decided to get up early before my family and go on a walk at 5:30 in the morning. (I tried to run but that ended about as well as nailing jello to a tree: fail. 1/4 of a mile in and I felt like my knees and lungs were going to explode, so I walked the rest of the way.) So back to my walk: I decided I was going to pray while I walked. I had a lot of things to talk to God about. I prayed for my family, my friends, my husband and kids, health, finances... all the good stuff. It felt nice to get up and get some fresh air before I started my day with two rambunctious toddlers who are ready to go 100 mph at approximately 6:29 each morning. So the next day, I got up and walked again. I walked even farther and talked to God even more. (I would also like to note that I started a squat and ab challenge at this same time to feel all fit and healthy and such, and during each squat you can bet your booty that I was praying, too! Praying I wouldn't break in half, that is.) And then I walked even farther the next day. This was my favorite part of the day - enjoying the morning fresh air with God. It set the pace for my day and I know how important it is to give my day to God before I give it to all the other things begging for my attention. While I drank my morning coffee, I would read a devotional (I'm working on Out of the Spin Cycle by Jen Hatmaker right now. She's my home girl). I asked people what I could pray for them about and made a list on my phone to reference while I walked, and I noticed that I recognized God's voice much more during the day now that I was spending a devoted time with him each morning. Such an amazing thing. God draws near to those who draw near to Him.
On September 11, my husband took me to see War Room. (If you haven't seen this movie, go see it. Right now.) This is a movie about the power of prayer and how important it is to have a prayer strategy, and a "war room" where you can focus on talking to God. It really inspired me to step up my prayer game even more! Back when Selah was born, I had some really bad anxiety and God really taught me the importance of coming to Him all throughout the day. You can read here about how that was a turning point in my prayer life. These prayer walks combined with this movie were another turning point for me. God always hears our heart and our prayers, but there is more to prayer than just throwing out a, "God help me" when you're stuck in a pickle. God wants more from us. He wants a relationship with us, and how else can you build that relationship other than talking to Him? He wants our first moments of the day, He wants us to come to Him with every worry, doubt, fear, praise... He doesn't want to be our last resort or only there when we need something. After seeing this movie, I started a prayer journal. I wrote down key verses that I want to focus on, reminders from God's word about his unfailing love and faithfulness. I put sticky notes on my bathroom mirror of verses that I need to reflect on. I wrote down prayer requests of my own, names of several friends and their requests, and things I wanted God to help me with in my own life. Soon, I was filling up page after page of things to bring to God. I also created a page for answered prayers so that I will be able to look back on the amazing things God has done. I even made a page for those "God moments" where He works in my life in ways that only He can, those moments where you just know He was looking out for you. At the same time I started my prayer journal, my knees started to bother me. The walking (combined with this dumb 30 day squat challenge I started at the same time... what was I thinking?!) and the cooler morning weather was wearing on my knees. I pushed through the pain for my walks, but the pain was starting to last all day long. I have a history of knee problems and ever since really injuring my knee during my pregnancy with Ezra, my right knee in particular bugs me even more from time to time.
So I took my "prayer walk" inside to my dining room table in the morning before the sun was up. I found a women's devotional book in my basement and started reading specific verses and pondering on God's word, doing a First 5 devotional on my phone (such a cool app put out by Proverbs 31 Ministries!) and praying out loud from my prayer journal. More needs to pray for would pop into my head so I'd jot them down, and I would sit and wait for God to speak to me. He would put verses in my head, so I'd look them up and write them down. I would start by reading those prayer requests out loud, just as I had written them. More and more requests would come into my head and I felt like I couldn't pray fast enough for all the needs I had on my heart. I would pray in tongues, just sitting in God's presence at my dining room table with my journal and bible and devotional books open (with a cup of coffee of course).
God knows my heart even when I don't know exactly what to pray, but I also need to pray strategically and with purpose, presenting my requests to Him. As I thought more about how to strengthen my prayers, I thought about the book Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick. Marcus and I read this book with a small group on Wednesday nights back in 2011 when we were newly married with no kids. I loved the book then, but I almost felt like it wasn't for me at that point in my life. This book is about praying for miracles called "Sun Stand Still" prayers, like where Joshua in the Bible prayed for the sun to stand still. I didn't feel like I needed any miracles at that time in my life (2011), except that Marcus and I were praying to get pregnant again after a miscarriage. I decided to pick up the book again the other morning (September 17) and even in the first few pages, the book was speaking to me in a whole new way! I started texting my husband at work different passages and key points that stood out to me, especially at this point in our life. I had the book completely finished before bed that night, with highlighter marks all over the pages. It was cool to see the parts of the book that I underlined back when I read it in 2011, and how differently I interpreted certain verses and points back then. I think God uses His word to speak to us in different ways at different points in life, and that was definitely true here.
This book ramped up my prayer life even MORE! I started writing down even bigger (audacious) prayers in my prayer journal, trusting God to provide. God has been teaching me a lot about prayer. To be honest, prayer is something I've struggled with almost my whole life. My late grandmother was a prayer warrior. If she wasn't sleeping, she was praying. You could always count on her to pray for you, and she witnessed God move in amazing ways in her lifetime. I know the importance of prayer and have always known, but there have been times that I have thought, "if God is so powerful, why do we need to pray? How are prayers powerful? If God is the one who performs miracles, why do we need to ask Him for them? Can't He do them without us asking? Does me asking for a miracle change God's mind about whether or not He will provide a healing? If enough people pray, does that convince God to provide? If I don't pray often enough or long enough, will He choose not to help me? What difference do prayers really make to a God who knows it all and doesn't always answer prayers the way we want anyway?" Now, hear me out. These questions I asked myself were not out of disrespect or lack of trust in God, or disbelief in His promises. I genuinely wanted to know the purpose of prayer. I listened to sermons on prayer, read His word where He talks about why we pray, and got insight from other, wiser, people. Sometimes I felt like I understood and "got it" and then other times I was back to wondering, "why am I praying for this? Will God change His mind if I just pray the right way?" I asked God to give me clear understanding. I really wanted to understand. Through my questioning and doubt, I continued to pray, as an act of obedience if nothing else. I had seen prayer work and did not doubt the power of prayer, but I couldn't help but wonder why prayer was so important.
As I'm learning more and more lately, prayer helps God's children grow closer to Him. God wants us to trust Him, talk to Him, present our requests to Him, and trust Him. Prayer helps me draw near to Him. Prayer brings me into His presence. Prayer gives me peace and comfort. I can literally feel the Lord near me when I choose to set aside time to devote to being in His presence. I can't expect to do things on my own. My prayers shouldn't be lazy and just spit out of my mouth. I need to focus on Him, the One who is worthy of my prayers and praises! There is power just in the name of Jesus. Just saying His name draws me closer to His presence and that's what I do when I don't know what else to say. Like Steven Furtick talks about in his book, I should be building a case before God. "Sun Stand Still prayers aren't about changing God's mind. They're about changing your heart, activating your faith, and developing your confidence in God's Word and character." Prayer builds my faith. It helps me to trust in God in His timing, not mine. I need to approach God boldly. I need to ask for things that are impossible without Him. I need to do my part to make my requests a reality. I need to thank Him for what He has done and give Him the glory. I need to "pray prayers worthy of the God I'm praying to." Furtick says, "...you and I are called not just to have faith but also to regularly activate our faith by asking God for giant outcomes, taking giant steps." If God just did things for me without me asking, how would that build my faith? And if God answered my prayers immediately, I would put my faith in the power of my prayers instead of the power of God. Building faith is so important for building my relationship with God.
Man, am I glad that God knows what He's doing. I fully believe that He has put all of these situations: the movies in youth group, the prayer walks, seeing the movie War Room, reading Sun Stand Still again, devoting more time to Him and Him alone each morning... all for a reason. At the same time that I'm working on all of those things, and building my faith and prayer life and getting closer to God during it all, God is working in my family and my marriage and my life! Marcus and I are recognizing a huge calling that God has placed on our lives. It's not as easy as God spelling it out in the sky, saying, "Here are the steps you should take at these specific times in this specific order. Now go!" That wouldn't require any faith. But God is revealing it to us, piece by piece, day by day, and we are listening to Him.
Part of that plan involves adoption, which we have felt as a calling since before Selah was born. We didn't know what that meant at that point in time, but God is making it more clear over time. We are trusting Him in the process, learning to listen to His voice, praying, obeying, acting, praying, reading, and praying some more. We don't know exactly what His plan looks like for us just yet, but things are starting to work together and it's exciting! We both really feel lately like our lives won't be like what we had originally pictured when we got engaged: having 2-4 kids, living in a small town in Wisconsin, Marcus being an accountant and me being a stay at home mom who volunteers for the PTA and makes snacks for tee-ball games, until our kids move out and Marcus eventually retires and we travel the world before we die. That sounds like a comfortable American dream. But, I don't think God wants us to be comfortable. I think He wants to pull us right out of our comfort zone to do amazing, big things for His kingdom.
I'm learning that if I trust Him, He will lead us to places we never imagined or dreamed of! All for His glory. It's exciting, terrifying, and amazing. We can't for sure say what our lives will look like, but it's beginning to look different than we used to think. A life of missions, sacrifice, giving up our comfortable life, adoption, orphanages, book writing, feeding the hungry, traveling... all of these things seem like possibilities for us now. God has placed things on our hearts that I never thought He would call us to do. We are waiting on God (not easy for this impatient mama) but trusting in Him. We are taking steps to fulfill the plan He has for our lives, using what He has taught us and shown us. I am in awe of the power of God!
The first step that we really feel God is calling us to do is start the adoption process. Marcus and I both have a heart for international adoption. We aren't sure what country God wants us to adopt from yet, but we may be limited based on laws of countries, my young age, timing, etc. God will reveal His perfect plan in His timing, but as Furtick talks about in Sun Stand Still, we need to "push while we pray", or in other words, act while we wait on God. We have been researching international adoption for 15 months now and finally feel like God is pushing us to take a practical step. We have read so many blogs and articles, researched about several countries and hundreds of laws, watched documentaries on the process, and learned from others' experiences. So, we plan on taking an adoption information class in just a couple weeks to get started, and hopefully get some of our questions answered to get a more clear direction of where to go next! I borrowed some adoption books from the library to pack my brain with as much knowledge about the ins and outs of adoption as I can, in addition to all the online research I have been doing.
We would also like to take opportunities to serve on missions trips. We feel like missions is something God has as a part of His plan for our lives, and while we don't know exactly what that means long term, we know we can do something now. We would love to spend our 5th wedding anniversary next August helping out on the missions field for a short term trip while we wait on God to reveal His plan regarding missions for the rest of our lives. Maybe God wants us to sell our house and move overseas to live on the missions field, or maybe he wants us to serve here and there when we can. We are so excited for this journey and are fully trusting in God to lead us. This is such a huge test of our faith and is bringing us closer together and closer to Him. I'm so glad that the Lord is with us through this all, and that I don't have to have all the answers. All I have to do is put my life in God's hands and He will do the rest.
Another thing I'm learning is that the closer you get to God, the more nervous the devil gets. Satan wants to push doubts into my mind: "How are we going to afford adoption with a mortgage and student loans to pay? How are we going to take our two children with us to another country to adopt more children? There's no way Marcus and I could ever be called to the mission field, we're too young and have never been in a ministry position before! I must be making all of this up in my head, God hasn't really called us to anything extraordinary." Satan, get under my feet! You have no place in my heart, soul, or mind. James 4:7 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." So that's what I'm doing. I don't have time to listen to the doubt and fears from the enemy when I'm listening to God's voice. Fear is normal; I'm human. But I need to listen to the One who is in control. I love this line in "Mother to the Motherless" by Mama Zipporah: "When God puts a vision in your heart, you can be certain that Satan will do his best to deter you from your calling." I don't know where the money for adoption will come from, especially if God calls us to adopt siblings which is something else we are praying about. I don't know how we will organize two or more trips oversees with our kids to meet the child(ren) we are going to adopt. I don't know if God wants us to help orphanages on the mission field in the near future.
But the good thing is, I don't have to have all the answers. God knows, and He wants me to trust Him. So that's what I'll do.
