Controlling my words is something I struggle with in motherhood. When I get irritated because we're running late, or grouchy because the kids are misbehaving, or short tempered because my to-do list is longer than there are hours in the day, I tend to get snippy with my kids (and anyone around me, really).
I raise my voice, I talk in short, sharp sentences, the frustration and irritation pour out of my voice.
I'm so hypocritical in this area. I always tell my children:
No whining.
Don't huff at me.
Use kind words.
Speak with a nice tone.
Use a kind voice.
Say please and thank you.
And yet, I fail miserably. I get crabby with my kids. I bark orders at them instead of saying please. I sigh loudly when they don't listen. I don't use a nice tone of voice.
And the other day, I was gently reminded of this.
Ezra and Selah were on my last nerve. They were both asking for snacks over and over when I was busy doing something, they kept fighting with each other, the screaming wouldn't end. And it was only 8:00 am. Ezra asked to watch Veggie Tales (for the 50th time) so I snapped, "just a minute, Ezra! I will put your show on when I'm done with the dishes!" and growled under my breath.
There wasn't much different that morning than any other morning. The kids are always asking for snacks and yelling and not sharing. But for some reason, that morning, I blew my lid.
Ezra, my gentle little three year old, looked up at me and said, "Mama, you need to
talk nicely. You gotta use your kind words." And he smiled and ran off. I just wanted to stick my head in the sink full of soapy water at that point.
Leave it to a 3 year old to remind his mama that what comes out of your mouth matters. I'm always reminding my kids to talk nicely to each other, to use manners and to have a nice tone of voice. When they don't, they get reprimanded. Shouldn't it be the same for me? I'm the adult. I'm the one who should be setting an example for my children. I'm the living example of the gospel that they see all day long. And I was doing a pretty crummy job representing Jesus right then.
I took off my gloves and asked Ezra to join me on the couch. I grabbed his little cheeks in my hands and said, "Mama is sorry. I should have used kind words with you. It's okay for mama to be frustrated, but I still need to speak nicely to you and others. Do you forgive me?" Of course, his tender little heart forgave his imperfect mama.
Then this morning, he reminded me again. As we were getting ready to head out the door, I said, "Ezra, I'm not going to ask you again to get your shoes on." I must have said it a little crabbily, because he said, "Uh, mama, are you frustrated right now?" with a big cheesy grin on his face. Oh my heart.
Although I wish I could go back and change how I spoke to him, I'm thankful for the lessons of the effect of our words and of forgiveness that he witnessed that day. I'm grateful that God used my little 3 year old boy to remind me to speak life into my children with encouragement and praise, and that even when I'm frustrated, I can control my voice and tone and not come undone.
"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift."
Ephesians 4:29
"A soft answers turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."
"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."
Proverbs 15:4
