simple ways to have a better day.

I woke up this morning and audibly groaned. My son's chatting/whining on the monitor woke me, which is how I wake up every day. It was 6:57 am. Ezra usually sleeps 7pm-7am (except when he's sick) but he is fever free so far today and last night was a normal night. But the exhaustion from dealing with whatever illness he's had for the past 4 days obviously caught up to me. I could barely lift my head off the pillow.

I walked to his room to get him out of his crib, change his diaper, make his breakfast, and get the day started. Being that I'm almost in my third trimester, my body isn't as happy to start moving each morning. My hips hurt, my low back hurt, and my left leg felt like it was going to unhinge and fall off more with each step I took towards his room. 

My day was not off to a good start. Not for any particular reason, not because anything bad had happened, but I just didn't want to be up yet! I knew that this attitude that I woke up with could affect my entire day if I let it. It could make me grumpy, make me more irritable, and leave me feeling like I was in a slump. But I chose not to let that happen. 

I knew there were things I could do to have a better day that day. It may not always be easy to do them, but they always help me!

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#1: Pray

Thankfully, I can always count on Ezra to take a 2 hour morning nap at the same time each day, and I decided that I was going to nap with him. I knew I absolutely needed more sleep, considering I got maybe 6 hours the night before and was also growing a human. Before I fell asleep, I laid in bed and prayed. I prayed for strength to get all I needed to get done, I prayed for a positive mind, I prayed that I would enjoy the little things, I prayed for encouragement and I prayed for the day to go by quickly. This is the #1 thing that helps me with my day. As soon as I begin to pray, I feel the Lord filling up the room, giving me peace. Whether you usually pray or not, I promise you God hears you when you do. Just give it a try. I pray constantly throughout the day. Whatever I'm doing, if I'm not too focused on a task or am not having a conversation with someone, I'm praying. Either in my mind or out loud. Sometimes I pray for sick friends, for people I know who have needs, for my family and myself, thanking God for all I have, or just having conversation with Jesus.

#2: Rest

If you are able to, take a quick nap. My "quick" nap turned into 2 hours, and after I woke up, Ezra slept another hour (which is rare for him - he must still be fighting off this virus). I know that taking a 2 hour nap each day is not possible for everyone, not even me. But try to squeeze in a 20 minute nap while your kids nap. If you can't nap, just sit on the couch with a blanket and a cup of coffee. Don't think about all the things on your to-do list - they can wait. Just open the curtains, read a devotional, watch the news... whatever. Take time to rest and you'll find you have a burst of energy to get through your day.

#3: Get Moving!

I know I just said to rest. That's important. But I find that if before I sit down in the morning, I unload the dishwasher, start a load of laundry, or do something on my to-do list, I feel much better about sitting down and watching cartoons with my son. Some days, if I sit down, I never want to get back up. Other ways to get moving are to take a walk outside (if this winter would ever end), do some yoga, or go play with your kids in the backyard. We all know exercise releases endorphins which boost your mood. So get moving! Most of the time, the last thing I want to do is start cleaning the house the moment I get up. But it usually helps me get a jump start on my day and I feel more productive. Other times, I really just need to chill in the morning. It all depends on my mood, but both can make my day better.

#4: Drink Water

I try to drink a glass of water before I even have my coffee in the morning. Water hydrates you and gets your body awake and ready for the day. We all know how important drinking water is and some days, this glass of water in the morning is the only water I drink all day! (Hey, it's better than nothing!) I've realized I feel much better by the end of the day if I drink a full gallon of water throughout the day. It's not always easy but I never regret it. It will make your hair and skin look better, too!

#5: Get Dressed

As a stay-at-home-mom, I know how easy it is to just change from pajamas to yoga pants, especially when you're not planning on leaving the house. For me, I feel much better through my day if I do my hair, put on a little makeup, and wear actual clothes. (It's a plus that maternity jeans sort of feel like sweatpants!) Some people are the opposite - they can have a much more relaxing, better day if they just stay in their pj's and don't take the time to get ready. That's not how I function, so getting dressed really helps me feel better all day.

#6: Be Thankful

I have a journal in my night stand that I like to write down things I'm thankful for in. When I'm having a down day, I reference it to remind myself all things I should be thankful for. There's so many things on that list, and I could add so many more! Thank God for what he's given you. Be thankful to the people around you. Reminding yourself of all of your blessings can boost your mood and turn your day around. Some days it's harder than others to find things to be thankful for, but I promise that if you really think, you'll find something to be thankful for.

#7: Choose to Have a Good Day

Things may not be going your way. You may have slept through your alarm only to then realize your child is soaked in pee in their bed. Your car may have broken down on the way to drop your kids off at school. The bills may be piling up with no end in sight. You may be at the end of your rope, just trying to fight through each day. I've been there, especially lately with seasonal depression. But you have the choice to change your attitude towards each day. You can choose to think on positive things even when you're in the midst of chaos. Choose to smile, choose to laugh, choose to be thankful, choose to make today a good day. It can be hard to do, but remember that your situations shouldn't define your happiness. Find the inner joy of the Lord in your spirit, the joy that isn't affected by circumstances. 

Have a great day! :)

26 weeks pregnant + a sick toddler

As of Monday, I am 26 weeks pregnant! This means only 1 more week until third trimester! Is it horrible that I haven't even started her nursery yet, minus filling her closet with adorable outfits? We're waiting on her crib set to be delivered so we can match paint colors to it. Not much time left!

Also as of Monday, I have a sick toddler. Ezra woke up on Monday morning and was pretty fussy while I got his breakfast ready, which is odd. He usually frolics around the kitchen, or waits at the fridge for me to pour him some milk.

Obviously I should've known something was wrong when he barely smiled through all of breakfast.

Then, he was acting sluggish while he played in the living room and was laying his head down on my lap while he stood to watch Bubble Guppies, so I put him down for a nap an hour early.

He woke up and I got him dressed and noticed his chest was extremely warm to the touch, so I took his temperature just in case. The thermometer read 104.1 F. I kinda freaked out. He's never had a temperature over 100.4 in his whole life, not even when teething. I took his temp again just to be sure. I was almost out of tylenol for him and didn't want to give him any just yet because he wasn't acting like it bothered him. He was actually happier than he was in the morning.

I finally gave him some tylenol around 1:30 pm and he took another nap, but his fever stayed above 103 so I made him an appointment for that evening with the on call pediatrician. She checked his ears, which I knew weren't infected, and then swabbed his throat for strep. I figured it might be strep considering he acted like it hurt to swallow and he didn't have any other cold symptoms. But, the test came back negative within 20 minutes. She told me they would keep the culture and call if it appeared to be strep in the next couple of days, but that he probably just had the virus going around and to bring him back on Thursday if he still had a fever.

He cuddled Gram almost the entire doctor's appointment. It was sad to see him like this, because he's usually always running around and exploring.

We got home from the doctor at 7pm, Marcus was just getting home from work, and we bathed him and got him ready for bed. His temp was now at 102.9 so I gave him some Tylenol so that he wouldn't be too miserable to sleep. He woke back up at 11pm, also unusual, and it was 102.6. Then he woke up again at 1am and it was 104.5, the highest it had been. He chugged an entire sippy cup of water and we gave him more Tylenol.

I turned off his light and was about to lay him back down in his crib, but he cuddled his head into my neck and just laid there. He only cuddles when he's not feeling good. I just held him for a few minutes and prayed with him. He was practically asleep on me, so I laid him down and barely made it out of his room before I broke down crying. I had never seen my baby like this before, so upset and obviously feeling terrible. He was shivering when he woke up and I worried his fever would get even higher and he'd have delusions or worse, a seizure. The doctor said it wasn't "dangerous" until he reached over 105.5, but I worried it would go up while I was sleeping. Marcus and I went back to bed and prayed for him together and then fell asleep. Marcus woke up extra early to go get him some Motrin before work since the Tylenol didn't seem to be working. Ezra didn't wake up until his usual time of 7am. I was going to give him Motrin but his fever had gone down to 99.5! Whew.

He was back to his silly self at breakfast that morning, which was good to see.

He took his morning nap earlier than usual and woke up with a fever of 102.5, so I tried the Motrin. Then he started acting sluggish again.

We watched Paw Patrol while he sat on the couch and read his little Bible.

 He took a long afternoon nap and woke up with a temp of 99.

He immediately found his tube of mini m&m's on the table and asked for some. He absolutely deserved some. After eating like 7 of them and drooling chocolate all over his shirt, he walked around shaking the rest of the m&m's in the tube like a maraca. Before bed his temp was 101.5. Thankfully he drank a lot all day and ate pretty normally. 

He woke up at 10pm again. He normally sleeps 7pm-7am, so instead of just letting him fall back asleep, I checked on him. He was burning up so I took his temp and it was 104 again. I gave him Motrin so he could sleep and he slept until 6am. I went in to his room, took his temp (it was 103.8 - ugh), gave him water and put him back to bed. He slept 3 more hours.

I guess he needed the sleep because he woke up with a normal temperature of 98.6! The lowest it's been in 2 days! Also, check out that awesome bed head he's got going on.

I'm praying it stays down all day today. Yesterday morning was better and then it spiked again after his first nap. I'll just have to keep an eye on it.

I'm thankful he's gone almost 15 months without ever getting a fever. It's horrible to see him sick like that. I'm sure it could've been worse - at least he's had some happy moments in the midst of all of this. Nasty unexplained viruses are not fun. Thank you to all our friends and family who have prayed for him and us the past 2 days! 

Ezra is currently climbing on the couch and throwing legos across the living room. Love that kid.

it's okay to cry: a mother's love for her angel baby.

It's been a while since we lost our first child. 2 years and 3 months, actually. Somehow, in those 2 years and 3 months, my pain hasn't gotten better, it's just gotten different.

I used to grieve for my empty womb, the thought that I was not a mother and never would be, the idea of having a dead child, knowing I would never hold my first child on this earth.

Now I no longer have an empty womb; I've carried another child for 9 months and am currently almost 6 months in to carrying another child. I am a mother to a beautiful 14 month old little boy. But I still grieve.

Now, I grieve for my son's older sibling that he will never get to play with. I should have a 19 month old child right now. I think about how if we had never lost our Peanut, we wouldn't have Ezra. I think about if that child would be just like Ezra, and how if he was a boy, he would've had Ezra's name. I feel guilty for thinking about that, because I wouldn't trade Ezra for anything.

I shouldn't have to sweep my miscarriage under the rug. No mother should. I shouldn't have to avoid talking about my child just so people aren't uncomfortable. When people ask me how many children I have, I usually say "one son, and one on the way" but not because I don't consider Peanut my child, and not to avoid making them feel awkward, but because I don't want to start crying out in public. Yes, I know that it's "been long enough" that I shouldn't have to cry about our loss anymore. But I still do. The pain may not be fresh but it still feels that way sometimes.

I may not cry every day now, and not even every time I'm reminded of our sweet Peanut, but I haven't just "gotten over it" or "moved on" like some people think I should have. My love for my child has not faded. Every time I see Ezra, I think I cherish Peanut even more, knowing I won't see him take his first steps or call me "mama" or give me kisses like Ezra does. I may have only had 8 weeks with Peanut but I was his mother, the only person he knew, the only person who really knew him. 

I wrote this the day we found out Peanut had gone to heaven:

"Dear little Peanut, I want you to know mommy and daddy loved you very much. Your whole family did. We were so prepared for your arrival but Jesus decided to take you home sooner. Daddy kissed mommy's belly every single day and even though your little ears couldn't hear it, we talked to you and poked you and prayed for you and talked about how cute you were gonna be. We love you VERY much and will see you soon. Dance with Jesus for us and say hi to our loved ones up there with you. We find peace knowing you are in Jesus' arms. We love you!

I truly meant what I wrote. Now that my grandmother is up in Heaven, too, I just know that she is with my sweet baby, and that honestly makes me feel better. I know that I will see my baby again some day. But I still grieve. I still cry. I still miss him. I will probably always cry at times. I will always miss him. And I may never understand why I don't have him here with me. But that's okay. 

just be yourself.

As moms, we often compare ourselves with other moms. We compare our kids to other kids and our husbands to other husbands. We compare the cleanliness and organization of our house to the cleanliness and organization of other houses.

You've heard of a "Pinterest mom", right? You know, that mom who is always making her child's food into animal shapes, having themed dinners every night, elaborate birthday parties for all her kids, making salt dough hand prints & homemade valentines & every other craft you can think of, putting glow sticks in the bathtub, turning bedrooms into forts, growing vegetables in her backyard... I could go on & on.

I feel like a lot of moms out there feel like they need to be a Pinterest mom. They feel like if their kid brings Oreos to class as a treat instead of homemade organic gluten-free vegan energy bars, they've failed. They feel like if they just have some store-bought cupcakes and a few balloons at their child's first birthday party instead of a catered event with DIY pinatas and a photo booth, they're not good enough.

But then you see all these articles and blog posts about how we shouldn't feel like we need to be a Pinterest mom. We shouldn't have to do science experiments and art time for 2 hours every day to feel like we're a "good enough" mom. Seriously, that stuff doesn't matter. Our kids won't care that their hot dog was cut into an octopus a year from now. But we all know that. We all know we don't need to be a Pinterest mom. We're "good enough" just loving our kids and being there for them.

So after we all realized that there's no need to try to "one up" each other, we started thinking that being a Pinterest mom was bad. We read these blog posts that said "a messy house is a happy house" and "good moms have sticky floors, dirty dishes and happy kids" and we started to think that having a clean, organized house meant we don't spend enough time with our kids. We started thinking that if we put too much effort into our child's Halloween costume that that meant we were too worried about what other moms thought of our kids than what we thought of our own kids.

So now what's a mom to do??

If your child brings homemade valentines to school, you're trying too hard. If your child brings store bought valentines to school, you're not trying hard enough. If your kitchen is always spotless and your bathroom is always sparkling, you don't spend enough time with your kids. If your sink is full of dishes and your bathroom floor hasn't been mopped in 3 weeks, you're lazy and unproductive.

You really can't win.

Well here's a wild idea: why don't we all just stop comparing, stop trying to please everyone else, and just be ourselves? If you want to dress your child up in adorable outfits every day, do it! If you want to let your kid run around without pants on, do it! If you want to plan a fancy birthday party with Etsy decorations and homemade snacks, do it! If you want to just have grandparents over for cake, do it!

Whether you sent Chex Mix with your child to school for the class party because you didn't have the time or energy to make something else, or if you sent Chex Mix simply because you wanted to and didn't care about making something special, then do it! If you want to spend 2 hours creating adorable butterflies out of baggies, clothespins and grapes, do it! You don't have to explain yourself.

If you want to clean your house top to bottom while your child watches an episode of Bubble Guppies on repeat, do it. If you'd rather chill on the couch and watch Bubble Guppies with your child for 2 hours, do it. Seriously, just be yourself and do what you want to do!

Stop comparing yourself to Pinterest. Stop comparing yourself to the moms on your Facebook newsfeed. If you drop off your child to school in sweatpants and a ponytail, don't feel "not good enough" when the mom with a full face of makeup and curled hair and a sundress walk past. If you're the mom who is dressed up for the day already, don't feel like you're "trying too hard" when you see a mom still in her pajamas.

Just be yourself. It's too stressful to be constantly worried about what other moms and families are doing and trying to "keep up"!

God created each one of us to be different and unique. That's what makes spending time with other moms so special. We're all different, we all have different priorities, wants & needs and we all have something to offer.

And most importantly, we're all good enough. So just be yourself - the YOU that God created you to be.

winter blues.

The weather this week has been insane.

On Monday, we got several inches of thick, nasty snow, which makes the total for this winter 47" so far.

On Tuesday, it was surprisingly nice out.

On Wednesday, it was seriously warm enough to have a picnic outside. The warmest it's been since December 4th!

On Thursday, it was raining.

Today, there is a wind advisory with a current windchill of 2 degrees.

Wisconsin is obviously bi-polar.

I would kill to get more days like Tuesday and Wednesday! There was actually sunshine which is like, one of my favorite things in the world. Winter is so depressing sometimes. After the tiny spark of joy from the first snowfall and then Christmas, winter is a draaaaaaag. Walking through slush, snow being blown in your face, pant legs getting stained with salt... no thank you! Is anyone with me on this?

I'm that person who, by the end of summer, can't wait for fall - cooler temps, sweaters & boots, bonfires and pumpkin flavored everything... and then I'm ready for peppermint mochas, Christmas carols starting on November 1st, and the holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. I usually get excited every year! Then January 2nd hits and I'm sick of it.

I guess all of this contributes to the winter blues I get.

Winter seems like the longest season of the year. My husband's "busy season" at work is January - April so for the first 2.5 months of that where it's too cold to go outside, I'm pretty much constantly alone with our son and I would give anything to be able to go outside with him and actually DO things! We spend a majority of our day watching Nick Jr, throwing balls around the living room, eating snacks and napping. It's a good life. But we have major cabin fever.

I used to not mind winter quite so much. There was only one winter before Ezra was born that I wasn't in high school. Winter of 2010-11, I was in school and planning my wedding and working as a CNA, so I didn't mind the cold. Winter of 2011-12, I was a newlywed and Marcus didn't work crazy hours so I was fine spending time with him indoors. Winter of 2012-13, Ezra was a newborn so I didn't like taking him out in the cold but I still got out enough to keep me sane. This year, it's a whole new game having a toddler. He wants to run around and I want to let him! I'm so thankful for different mom groups I get to go to each week just so I can see some other people and let Z play with other kids. Plus, this year's winter is probably the worst winter I've experienced in my whole life. We've had dangerously cold days where schools have closed due to a windchill of -50 degrees, plus three times as much snow so far as last year.

I can honestly say I HATE it! I begin to feel stuck, like winter is never going to end, and I'm always going to feel sad and "out of it" - and then we have days like Wednesday where the sun shines and it actually feels like a cool spring day, and I remember that it will all be over soon and spring WILL come. (I hope!)

I'm so excited for summer - going to the pool and swimming with Ezra, passion tea lemonades from Starbucks, going to Frostie Freeze for twinkle cones, grilling out in our new backyard, playing on our new swing set, going on walks around our new neighborhood, and of course, the birth of our baby girl!

I say that after this horrible winter, I won't complain once about the heat we get this summer. But let's be honest - I know that when I have a newborn cuddled to my chest, I'll get sticky & hot and probably complain. ;)

But at least summer has more sunshine! And sunshine is my favorite.