don't settle.

This post may rub some people the wrong way, but I just really felt like I needed to speak up.

We've all seen those encouraging mom blog posts being shared on Pinterest and Facebook. The ones that say:

"You're doing okay, mama."

"You're doing a great job, don't be so hard on yourself."

"You yelled at your kids today and lost your patience, but it's okay. You're a great mom."

"Don't worry about trying so hard, you're a great mom just the way you are."

All these generalized statements from blogs and posts are well and good. I've even shared several similar posts on my own Facebook! Sometimes when you feel like a failure for messing up with your kids, you need a reminder that you're doing alright.

But do you know what else I think? I think some of these sound like a cop-out. I think some of these statements make it sound like it's okay to just be the mom that you are without trying to better yourself. To me, they come off as saying, "if you lose your temper and say unkind things to your children, you're super mom!" This isn't untrue - you may have a temper issue and still be an amazing mother. But sometimes those statements seem like if you have things that you need to improve as a mother, you don't need to work on them - you're off the hook - you're a great mom just as you are.

Every mother sins and has traits that aren't perfect, but that doesn't mean you should settle for the mom that you are right now in this moment. I hear a lot of, "Be yourself! You are exactly the mom that God wanted your children to have." And that's a great thing to hear sometimes. 

Yet I don't think God wanted my kids to have a mom who raises her voice too often. I think God wants my children to have a mom who may raise her voice too often, but asks God for forgiveness and tries to be better next time. I think God wants my children to have a mom who is trying to be more like Christ every day.

Isn't that part of our role as Christians, to be more Christ-like every day? Yes, God made me exactly how I am. He gave me my personality and my children, trusting them to my care and choosing me to raise them. But I'm a sinner. I mess up. I yell. I lose patience. I get frustrated. I get lazy with housework. I look at my phone when I should look at my child. Those are some of my issues as a person; a wife and mother. So am I supposed to just accept that that's the way I am and tell myself that I'm a good mom regardless of these issues? Yeah, sure, I'm a good mom regardless of these issues. But I don't want to settle. I want to be a better mom. I want to make today better than yesterday. I want to seek God and ask Him to help me grow. I want to ask Him for daily peace and patience and wisdom to raise my children the way He would want.

I don't think it's healthy to dwell on the negatives: the "I should've done this" or "why did I say that" or "I could've done this better". But I do think that I need to ask God to help me have less and less "could've/should've/would've" moments each day. I will never be a perfect mother. I will always have moments when I mess up, some days more than others. Often I wonder why God even allowed me to be a mother because I feel like I fail so miserably. But I'm sure not going to settle and allow myself to think that the mistakes I made today are perfectly fine in the grand scheme of how I raise my children. If I only yell once for every five times I uplift my children, does that make it okay? I mean, I'm still doing okay, right? Yeah, I'm doing okay. But I want to do better. 

I don't want to settle for the mother that I naturally am, because naturally, I'm a sinner. I want to be like Christ, growing each day. I don't want to dwell on my mistakes but I also don't want to accept that "doing okay" as a mother is good enough for me. I want to be a better mother every day. I want to remember the moments that matter, the things I do for my children that no one else does for them, the things that make me their mama. And for all the mistakes I've made, I don't want to settle and let those mistakes happen again tomorrow. I want to be a Christ-like mother, more so every day.