I love to talk. When I was a little kid, I never stopped talking (according to my parents). I was a chatter box. Sometimes in the car, I would talk so much that my parents couldn't even comprehend what I was saying so they would make me sit with my hand over my mouth and not talk for the rest of the car ride so that they could hear themselves think for once. I still love to talk! I love having conversations with people, whether it's something deep and meaningful or just about the weather.
Sometimes, though, I don't think before I speak. There are times when I say something when I should've just kept quiet, like giving my opinion when it wasn't asked for, and there are times that I say the wrong thing altogether.
Do you think before you speak? I saw this acronym on Pinterest and thought it was awesome.
I catch myself saying things that aren't true, helpful, inspiring, necessary or kind sometimes. I'm sure we all do at times. But if you think about it, why would you want to say something untrue, unhelpful, uninspiring, unnecessary and unkind? Who would that benefit?
Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
I love the song "Words" by Hawk Nelson. Here are some of the lyrics:
"They've made me feel like a prisoner, they've made me feel set free. They've made me feel like a criminal, made me feel like a king. They've lifted my heart to places I've never been, and they've dragged me down back to where I began. Words can build you up, words can break you down. Start a fire in your heart or put it out. Let my words be life, let my words be truth. I don't wanna say a word unless it points the world back to You."
Words really can be so powerful. Have you ever felt hurt, rejected or offended by something someone has said to you? Maybe you've felt judged or angry? A lot of times, it's the things people say that can have the biggest impact on you. They say actions speak louder than words, but that isn't always true. I can think of several times where someone has said something to me that offended me, ticked me off or hurt my feelings. Whether it was intentional or not, it still wasn't fun to hear.
But the things you say can be powerful in a good way, too. Like the song says, words can build you up. I've been encouraged so many times by the things people have said to me. After miscarrying our first child, there were many people who said just the right thing at the right time to lift my spirits. (There were also people who said offensive and rude things, which could've been avoided if they had just followed the T.H.I.N.K. acronym.) I have some friends who are especially good at encouraging me with their words. My husband is one of those people. He always seems to know just what to say.
If a friend is struggling with something and I just don't know what to say, I know that if I pray about it, God will give me the words. There have been times that I've said something to someone that I just felt like I needed to say, and after I've said it, I don't even know where it came from. I can't remember making a conscious thought about what I was going to say, it just came out of my mouth and made sense. The Holy Spirit definitely helps me with what to say in certain situations.
I once heard a great piece of advice: before you speak, you should determine why you're about to say what you want to say. Is what you're about to say going to contribute positively to the conversation or are you only saying it to make yourself the topic of conversation? When I'm with a group of friends and someone says something that may relate to me, I really have to make an effort to think before I say something. Do I want to say something so that we're talking about me or do I want to say something to be helpful, inspiring or uplifting? We can do so much good with the things we say as long as we're careful with our words.
I've also heard the advice, "never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut." Proverbs 17:28 says, "Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent." That verse reminds me of Abraham Lincoln's quote.
There are times I really have to bite my tongue. If I speak too quickly, I might say the wrong thing or word something the wrong way. If I speak at all, I might say something unnecessary or speak when it isn't my place to say anything. James 1:19 says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." If someone says something offensive to me, it's easy to quickly say something snarky or rude in reply. If I just wait and calm down, I know I'll have a better state of mind to say something back or to just keep my mouth shut entirely. Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? Once the words are out of your mouth, they're out there. You can apologize for what you've said, but you've already said it.
I've noticed that when you aren't talking to someone face to face, it's easier to say something that you wouldn't say if they were right in front of you. This usually isn't a good thing. Whether instant messaging, social media or texting, it seems that typing your words while you hide behind a screen makes it easier to say something rude, sarcastic or offensive to someone. When someone is physically there with you, it might be easier to hold back what you really wish you could say in that moment. Maybe that's why cyber bullying is such an issue these days. Whether anonymous or not, it seems that when people say something over the internet, they use less of a filter with their words. Sometimes, though, I prefer to have conversations through text or social media. It gives me time to think over what the other person said, read it a few times verbatim and figure out what I want to say in reply. In person, conversations are usually more fast-paced and it can be easier to slip out something that you maybe didn't mean to say out loud.
I've learned how important it is to "tame my tongue" and train myself to take a second to think before I speak. I don't want to say something out of anger that I'll regret later. I don't want to lie or say something rude or offensive to anyone. I want my words to be encouraging, inspiring, uplifting, kind and honest. Don't you?
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