Ezra's birth story

Ezra was due on November 20, 2012. I was actually measuring slightly small, but not small enough to change my due date. On Monday, November 26 I went to the doctor for my 41 week visit (I was 40 weeks 6 days). She was not comfortable letting me go past 41 1/2 weeks pregnant and I was showing little to no signs of going into labor on my own. I wasn't dilated at all, not having Braxton Hicks and was only 50% effaced. I was going to schedule an induction for as late as I could to try and let him come on his own, but the only available date in the next week to be induced was that same night. It was sort of scary going to the doctor for a check-up and having her tell you that you'd likely have a baby tomorrow!

So, I went in Monday night. I arrived at 6pm and once baby's heart rate had good patterns, my doctor gave me a dose of cytotec in hopes that it would help me dilate and start labor. I had minor contractions and baby's heart rate was good in the 130's all night. 4 hours after giving me the cytotec, my doctor gave me a half dose hoping to speed things up because I hadn't dilated since the first dose. In the morning around 7 am they started me on a low dose of pitocin and increased it every half hour. I started having more contractions at random intervals but the pain was about a 4. It reminded me of what my miscarriage felt like - super intense cramps. I felt a lot of it in my back (ugh - back labor). My doctor came in around 10 or 11am and checked me. I was 2-3 cm dilated so she broke my water hoping to get things moving. Contractions then became much more intense and I had a hard time breathing through them anymore. The pain was almost all in my back and I could sometimes feel them in my low abdomen too. I had my husband push on my low back while I squeezed my moms hand through each one. The pain was at a 7. Contractions were 2 minutes apart lasting 60-70 seconds. My nurse checked me and I was at a 3. But my goal was no epidural until at least 4cm. This was not easy - pitocin contractions are no joke! A 7 out of 10 for pain and only 3 centimeters? I wanted to die.

A while after, my doctor came to check me and I was 4-5 cm so they called for the epidural. This was 2pm on Tuesday. By the time the anesthesiologist got there my pain was at a 9. My anxiety was majorly kicking in and I kept saying "I can't do this anymore" - I had never experienced pain like this. I got the epidural and had immediate relief. I could barely feel a thing.

A few hours later I laid on my right side to rest and woke up with my right hip in a lot of pain. I then started to feel contractions in my right side again, mostly in my back (more back labor). Occasionally I felt them in my abdomen but each contraction started with a nerve in my hip beginning to pulse. My nurse said the baby was most likely pressing on a nerve. I then learned that each time a doctor or nurse checked me, they could tell his head wasn't perfectly straight and was probably a little crooked in the birth canal but he would probably turn as I dilated more. (Since getting pitocin that morning, I had constant external fetal monitoring and his heart rate stayed in the 130s). My doctor checked me and I was at a 5. A couple hours later I got to a 6 but contractions were really bad again, only on my right side. The epidural completely numbed my left side but only somewhat my right side. At 6pm, my doctor left and the on call doctor came in and checked me. He said I was at 5cm (even tho my doctor said 6cm a couple hours earlier) and that baby needed to drop a lot. (We were just told baby was at a 0 station - this doctor said barely -1... Frustrating.) He said I should be progressing much more than this, that this is "not good" and he expects 1cm an hour and said he wasn't saying I needed a c-section now but that I needed to show progress in a couple hours. I was disappointed - a c-section was the last thing I wanted and so far, my birth plan was not being followed very closely.

Over the course of the night, with every contraction, baby's heart rate dropped a little which isn't good or bad but can cause stress on the baby over time. We had no idea what position baby was in but I still had back labor so we figured he wasn't anterior, but maybe actually sideways. We kept upping my pitocin to strengthen contractions and after 3 hours I got to a 7 but then stayed at a 7 for at least 6 hours! My nurse said baby's head wasn't pressed down against my cervix very well and that could be because his cord was tight around his neck stopping him from dropping. At around 4am, baby's heartrate had a low dip so they had to stop pitocin and give me oxygen to get it back up. My monitors kept cutting out so they really wanted to do an internal one but I wasn't fond of that. My doctor came back at 6:30am (this is Wednesday now) and said I was still at a 7 but could stretch me to an 8 but said his head just wasn't straight like it should be. She said they would start my pitocin back up but if an hour after contractions started I wasn't at a 10, we needed to do a c-section because baby was in a little bit of distress and that meant he wasn't going to descend due to him being sideways. She said if I was at a 10 in an hour, but was pushing for an hour without progress, that was also reason for c-section because that meant his head was so crooked that it wouldn't fit. Then she said if after starting pitocin again if his heart rate dropped again, it meant he couldn't tolerate pitocin and I needed a c-section. Things were not looking good.

So they put a monitor inside me to measure how strong my contractions were to make sure they were strong enough to dilate me so that we could eliminate weak contractions as a problem. They also put an internal monitor on him so they knew for a fact what his heart rate was at all times. My nurse had to stop pitocin about 45 minutes later because his heart rate dropped for 6 minutes. My doctor came back in and said baby was stressed from pitocin and if we waited any longer, we might need an emergency c-section if his heart rate dropped too low and that it wasn't safe to continue pitocin. She checked me again just in case - I was barely 9 cm and only 90% effaced. This was about 38 hours after being induced. I should've had much more progress. I had to have a c-section. I was devastated - I felt like I failed as a mother because a c-section was the one thing I 100% did not want. I knew I could deliver vaginally and that I was made to give birth and that I could do it. But baby said otherwise. The doctor assured me it wasn't my fault but baby just didn't like the pitocin. I cried and cried at the fact that I wouldn't be the first one to hold my son and we couldn't immediately bond like I wanted. It seemed like everything I dreamed of for 9 months flew out the door and everything I wanted not to happen was happening.

After an hour of prep with my epidural and the other OB nurses being called, it was time. My mom was bummed she couldn't be there for his birth but understood that we needed a healthy baby. The time had come - I went in for my c-section. I remember just laying on the table in a very bright, white room, with my arms stretched out on both sides of me. There were a lot of people in the room, but I only knew my doctor and my husband (who was sitting next to my head). Even though I had an epidural in, they put numbing medicine across where the incision would be. Then they did a "pinch test" to make sure I was fully numbed. I definitely felt the pinch on the right side! I told the doctor I felt it and she put more numbing medicine on and waited 10 minutes. She did the test again and I could still feel it. She said something about not having enough time... I can't quite remember, I was so anxious. She began to cut me open - she started from the left and I felt nothing. It felt like she was gently rubbing her finger across my stomach. Then she got to the right side - it literally felt like a knife was cutting me open... because it was! It hurt so bad! I had a hard time breathing through it even with my husband by my side. Five slices later... I could feel them pushing and pulling. It felt like they were shoving all my organs to the side to get to the baby. Those who say c-sections are a breeze... yeah definitely not in my case! This was more painful than my worst contractions. I knew Ezra's head was way down in my pelvis, so they had to really yank him out.

Finally we heard our son's first cry at 10:16am on Wednesday November 28, 2012. It wasn't a loud cry but was so cute. They dropped the curtain to show him to us and then took him to be checked over. His apgar rating was 9/10 which is amazing. He weighed 7 lbs 7 oz and was 20" long. (We all thought he'd be bigger considering my husband and I were enormous babies.) Ezra did not get the Hepatitis B shot at birth or the eye ointment. That was in my birth plan but I was worried that they would "forget" that that was what I requested since I was in surgery. My husband went over by him to watch them weigh him and to make sure nothing was done that we didn't want done since I couldn't see him, and he took pictures, too.

I was so glad he was safe but was upset because the plan was he would lay skin to skin on my chest for an hour immediately after birth and breastfeed and we would delay cutting his cord until it stopped pulsing because that blood is so good for him. I had to just look at him while my husband held him by my face while they stitched me up (which I also felt most of). I remember telling my husband to bring Ezra by my face so he could smell me. It felt like we were just sitting there, enjoying our son, for a long time. One of the doctors offered to use our camera to take a picture of us. 

Then my husband left to tell our family the news, and baby and I were wheeled back to my room separately. I got to have skin to skin contact for an hour and he nursed for 20 minutes. :)

We found out the reason he wouldn't progress and didn't like pitocin is because he is a smart baby! The cord was so tight around his neck that if he had kept dropping it would not have been good. His head also was coming out completely sideways instead of how it should be so he couldn't drop any lower. If I had progressed normally and tried to deliver, it would have most likely been an emergency c-section. My doctor also said these were reasons I had not dilated anymore than I had and why I stayed at a fingertip dilated for 3 weeks before. He just could not come naturally. God knew what he was doing! I now have a better understanding for some women who have c-sections - sometimes it really is out of your control. We tried every single option to get him out vaginally but it just wouldn't happen. It doesn't mean I gave up trying or can't have a vaginal birth with my next baby. He just was a little messed up in my womb! After 40 hours of intense back labor and a roller coaster of emotions, our baby boy was here and healthy and that's all that matters! <3

It's still hard for me to think about my birth experience with Ezra because it was so traumatic to me. I'm thankful I didn't need an emergency c-section because then I would've had to be knocked out and who knows how long it would've taken to be able to see him for the first time. My plan for baby Squirt is to have a VBAC. I've been researching and studying since before I even got pregnant with her. I know that I am a "good candidate" for a VBAC and my doctor did my incision/stitches in a way that makes a VBAC more successful. If I could do it again, I would never again choose to be induced... but that's a post for a different day! 

The day Ezra was born was the best day of my life and I can't wait to experience birth again in less than 3 months!