I am blessed because He is.

Last night, my husband and I stayed up late watching every single video we had ever taken of Ezra. It was so awesome to see him as a baby again and remember how he used to act. I have his first time rolling over, first time saying mama, first time saying dada, first time crawling and first time eating on video. I'm so glad that I was obsessed with taking pictures and videos of him (I still am!) because then we can look back on it all. I had almost forgotten what his first laugh and first coo sounded like!

I'm so amazed that God gave us this child. God entrusted Ezra's life to our care and gave us our greatest blessing. I am honored to be his mama. God didn't have to bless us with a child. Instead, he's blessed us with 3 so far. My pregnancy with Peanut was a blessing even though it only lasted 8 weeks. And even though we haven't met her yet, we're so in love with our daughter. What did I do to deserve these amazing children?

I often think about how my relationship with Marcus came to be. I was young, just a couple weeks from my 17th birthday, when we met. I was still a junior in high school, Marcus a sophomore in college. Our relationship progressed quickly. 8 months after meeting, we were already engaged and I wasn't even 18 yet. 10 months after that, I was walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life. Ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted was to be a wife and a mother. I knew I always wanted to get married right out of high school and have children instead of pursuing a college career. I never thought that dream would become reality. Only God could have put it all into place to work out the way it did. What did I do to deserve such an amazing husband?

You can be sure that I thank God every day for what He has blessed me with. I seriously love my life! Being a stay at home mom to the greatest little boy in the world and being a wife to a hard working man is all I could ever ask for in this life.

Things haven't always gone our way, though. Just 3 months into our marriage, when we were supposed to be experiencing the joy of our first pregnancy, we lost our first child. Miscarriages can cause tension, questioning and can even tear marriages apart, especially brand new marriages. Thankfully we had so much support from our family, friends & church. We were strong enough in our walk with the Lord to know that He had a plan for us and that His plan was greater than ours. Losing our child brought us closer together as husband and wife. Then just 9 months later, we lost another beloved family member, my Nan. This hurt us both tremendously, we loved her so much. We both were devastated that she would never meet our sweet Ezra.

It's so easy to say that I am blessed when you look at all the wonderful things in my life: my family, my husband's job, our home. It's not so easy to say that I'm blessed when things are hard: miscarriage, loss of a family member, a husband going through a lot of schooling. But am I still blessed in the midst of trials? Absolutely.

God is still God when things in my life aren't easy, and God is always good. I don't deserve the life I've been given. I deserve death, but Jesus died on a cross for me instead. I'm glad I don't get what I deserve, because then I'd have nothing. Some religions believe "what goes around comes around" or "do good and good will be done to you" but I'm glad that that's not how God works. Based on all the sin I've had in my life, "karma" would be kicking my butt if that's how God did things. 

I don't understand why certain things in my life have happened and I may not understand until I get to Heaven, but the Bible says, "...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) That's a comforting thing to know! God gives me more blessings than I deserve and even when I feel like things are difficult in my life, I know that I am still blessed. I am blessed because God's plans are greater than my own and He knows what He's doing. Even in my trials, God is still good. He is still sovereign. He is still holy. He is still mighty. I am blessed because He is.